Don’t you just hate terrorists? Even when they fail, they make life difficult for us. Back in December 2001, just three months after 9/11, Richard Reid, a passenger on an American Airlines flight, tried to ignite explosives hidden in his shoes. Fortunately for everyone on board, Reid’s shoe size was considerably higher than his IQ. He brought attention to himself, was subdued by passengers and is currently serving a life sentence at a maximum security prison in Colorado, the only prisoner in America required to wear plastic see-through shoes.

farewellIt’s hard to believe that a whole decade has passed and we still don’t know what to call it. That’s a big problem for music companies, which sold millions of CDs with titles such as “Pop Hits of the ’80s” and “Dance Hits of the ’90s,” but just haven’t sold many copies of “Hip-Hop Hits of the ???” Melvin Durai writes more…

Street dentistI don’t mean to alarm you, but there’s a lot of faking going on –- and not just in the bedroom. Everyone’s involved in some form of faking, and if you don’t believe me, just visit your local high school. You’ll see fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake nails and fake breasts –- and that’s just in the teachers’ lounge. Melvin Durai writes more.

My wife has just completed a Ph.D., which means that, between the two of us, we now have two doctorates. Yes, she has two and I have none. She’s a double-doctor; I’m a double-dunce. She just finished defending her dissertation; I just finished defending my dessert. “Hey, keep your hands off the ice cream. I’m saving it for breakfast!” Melvin Durai writes more.

“Tonight, on a very special edition of Larry King Live, we have an exclusive interview with Jed Greeley, president of the English Protection Association (EPA). The association was formed this year to protect the English language from what it calls — and I’m quoting here — ‘a murderous assault from the Mexicans, Chinese and Indians.’ Why are you focusing on them, Jed?” Melvin Durai writes more.

By Melvin Durai Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying British Airways Flight 324 nonstop from London to New York. We are still awaiting our security clearance from U.S. authorities, but it’s safe to assume that we’ll land in New York sometime in the next month or so. [...]

I want to take a moment to wish a belated happy birthday to one of my readers, Ernestine “Ernie” of San Clemente, Calif., who recently turned 95. She was Humor Column born in 1914, about six years before women in America were given the right to vote.Melvin Durai writes more.

What a wonderful year I’m having. First my wife gives birth to a baby girl, then I find out I’m going to be rich. Extremely rich. Yes, I just received an email from a Nigerian man who wants to share $21.5 million with me. Can you believe my luck? This is just too good to be true! Melvin Durai writes more.

I tried to warn her. I tried to tell my wife, Malathi, that learning to drive a stick shift is much harder than an automatic, but did she listen? Nope, she was too busy drooling over the burgundy Subaru Legacy wagon in a dealer’s lot, convinced that THIS was the car for her, never mind that it had an extra pedal and a gear stick that went in more directions than Don King’s hair.Melvin Durai writes more.

Throughout history, men have been trying to impress women, and throughout history, men have failed miserably. In his yet another piece filled with sarcasm Melwin Durai offers his tribute to all those attempts in vain.