1.

A man goes hiking. he gets tired after a while and finds a cave to rest in he sees a shining light at the end of the tunnel its a magic lamp he rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says, “I will give you three wishes but there’s a catch, everything you wish for your wife gets double.”

So the man says okay.

First he wishes for a convertible, the genie says, “OK your wife gets double.”

Then he wishes for a million dollars, the genie says, “OK your wife gets double.”

Then his last wish is, “Beat me half to death.”

2.

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “That he did, Father…”

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”

She says, “He said, “Please, Mary, put down that damn gun…”"

3.

Will was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.

He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.

The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & died.

“All right, son,” Said Will, “what does that show you?”

“Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms in your belly.”

4.

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a blonde who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect blonde? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect blonde. She was just like my mother. You were right; my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”