Never got caught

Quirkland

A man was filling out a job application. He came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?”
He wrote, “No.”
The next question for people who had answered “Yes” to the previous question, was “Why?”
The man answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”

*
Lalu: Doctor, I don’t remember anything, sometimes on the road I even forget if I am going to office from home or going back home from office.
Psychiatrist: In such a condition, you should check your tiffin. If it is empty then you are going home, if it is full, you are going to office.

*

Bill was invited for dinner by a friend. Every time he talked to his wife by calling her “Darling”, “Sweet-heart”, “My-love” etc.
His friend said, “That’s really nice after all of these years you’ve been married to keep saying those little pet names of love.”
Bill replied, “Well, honestly speaking, I’ve just forgotten her name.”

*

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the thief who had broken into his house the night before.
Policeman: You’ll get a chance to meet him in court.
The man: No, no ! I want to know how he got into the house so silently without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

*

Q. How can you tell when a politician is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

*

Banta and Santa finished their English exam and came out.
Santa: How did you do your exam?
Banta: The exam was okay, but for the past tense of “Think”, I thought, and thought, and at last I wrote “Thunk”!

*

Wife: Do you know the meaning of wife? With Idiot For Ever !
Husband: No, It means: Without Information Fighting Everytime.

*

Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.
Dentist: I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.

*

Patient: “Doctor, my teeth are yellowish, what should I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie.